Sometimes a child needs someone who isn't a parent: an older person they look up to, who takes their ideas seriously and pushes them a little further. That person is a mentor.
Many parents search for one when their child is curious and wants more than school gives, when they're shy, or when they simply need someone else to talk to. Here is how to find a good one, and how to make sure they are safe.
In short
A mentor is a trusted older person who meets your child regularly to listen, encourage and share what they know.
Mentoring helps most when it's regular and lasting. Short, one-off contact does little.
Look close to home first: relatives, coaches, teachers, older students.
Insist on safety checks: verified identity, background checks where available, and your right to sit in.
Match on interests and personality, not just qualifications.
Watch for the signs it's working: your child looks forward to it and talks about it.
Why a mentor matters
A mentor gives a child something different from a parent or teacher: someone who isn't marking them or raising them, who is simply interested in them.
Research on youth mentoring programmes finds real but modest benefits on average, with the biggest gains for children facing difficulties (DuBois et al., 2011). In a well-known US study of Big Brothers Big Sisters, children with a mentor were 46% less likely than others to start using drugs during the study period (Tierney, Grossman & Resch, 1995).
What makes the difference is the relationship. Mentoring works best when the same person meets the child regularly, over months, and the two genuinely get on.
What kind of mentor does your child need?
If your child…
Look for…
Is curious and wants more than school gives
A knowledgeable mentor in their interest: science, books, coding, music
Is shy or lacks confidence
A warm, patient listener who builds them up
Feels lonely or left out
Someone who sees them regularly and remembers what matters to them
Doesn't enjoy reading
A reading mentor who starts from what they love
Is a keen reader who wants to talk about books
Someone to discuss ideas with, not test them
Where to find a mentor
Family and friends. A grandparent, aunt, uncle or family friend with a shared interest is often the easiest start.
Coaches and teachers. A sports coach, music teacher or club leader your child already likes.
Older students. A college student can be a great mentor: close enough in age to relate to, old enough to look up to.
Mentoring programmes. Local charities and community groups run structured mentoring, often with training and checks built in.
Online mentoring. Live 1:1 sessions over video widen the choice a lot, as long as the safety checks are in place.
Safety checks to insist on
Whoever the mentor is, especially someone outside the family:
Verified identity. The person or organisation should confirm who the mentor is.
Background or reference checks, wherever your country offers them.
Training. Good programmes train mentors in working with children before their first session.
You can sit in. Especially at the start, a parent should be welcome to watch or join.
Clear boundaries. Sessions happen at agreed times and through agreed channels, never in private chats you can't see.
An easy way to change. If it isn't working, you should be able to switch mentors without fuss.
Questions to ask before the first session
Who are your mentors, and how are they chosen and checked?
What training do they have?
What happens in a session?
Will my child have the same mentor each time?
How will I know how it's going?
What if my child doesn't get on with their mentor?
Signs it's working
Your child looks forward to sessions and talks about them afterwards.
They mention things the mentor said, or ideas they discussed.
They seem a little more confident sharing their opinions.
They want to try things the mentor suggested: a book, a skill, a project.
If your child dreads sessions or goes quiet about them, talk to them, and to the mentor or organisation. Not every match works, and changing is fine.
A reading mentor for your child
Bookstaken pairs children aged 6–14 with trained college mentors, called Bookbuddies, for live 1:1 sessions on Google Meet. Each session, your child talks through a real book picked for their interests, gives their own verdict and writes their own story, chapter by chapter. You get a report after every session on WhatsApp.
About 1 in 100 applicants become Bookbuddies, and each one's college ID and identity are verified.
Every mentor is trained before their first session.
The same mentor stays with your child, and if the match isn't right, we switch within 48 hours.
You're welcome to sit in on the first session, which is free.
Start with people your child already knows and likes: relatives, coaches, teachers. Beyond that, look at local mentoring programmes or online mentoring services, and check how they choose, verify and train mentors.
What does a mentor do for a child?
A mentor meets a child regularly to listen, encourage and share their knowledge. They offer a different kind of relationship from a parent or teacher, which can build confidence, interests and a sense that someone believes in them.
What age should a child have a mentor?
Children of any school age can benefit. Younger children often gain most from a mentor built around an activity, like reading or a sport, while older children may want help with interests, schoolwork or plans.
Is online mentoring safe for kids?
It can be, with the right checks: verified mentors, training, set session times, sessions you can sit in on, and no private messaging outside agreed channels. Ask any service how it handles each of these.
What's the difference between a mentor and a tutor?
Sources
DuBois, D. L., Portillo, N., Rhodes, J. E., Silverthorn, N., & Valentine, J. C. (2011). How effective are mentoring programs for youth? A systematic assessment of the evidence. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 12(2), 57–91.
Tierney, J. P., Grossman, J. B., & Resch, N. L. (1995). Making a Difference: An Impact Study of Big Brothers Big Sisters. Public/Private Ventures.
A tutor teaches a subject, usually towards a school goal. A mentor focuses on the child: their confidence, interests and thinking. Some roles, like a reading mentor, mix both.
How long should mentoring last?
Longer is better. Research suggests mentoring works best when the same mentor and child meet regularly for months, not weeks.
